HBO Imagine Is An Awesome Waste Of Time

HBO has started a new advertising campaign that really knocked my dirty socks off. Think of the way the real world is, and how everything can be viewed from an infinite amount of angles. Now take that concept and wrap a narrative around it, and you're beginning to get an idea of what they are up to. HBO Imagine is deep, engaging, and full of twists and turns. If Quentin Tarantino and Chris Nolan got together to make an out-of-sequence film it would look a little like this cool site.

You can move around a 3D menu, sort of like a web, to travel from scene to scene. You start off with 4 different angles of an art-heist, kidnapping, and heart attack taking place in a frou-frou gallery. You can watch 2 angles at a time, or each on their own, but no matter what you won't get the full picture unless you see all four. After watching them you can then progress through the rest of the story, from more multi-angle clips, to other tricky and twisty parts of the story. As you do this you'll notice the website keeping track of your journey with a percentage. You can also look at a menu that shows you where you are and what you haven't seen yet. What happens when you get to 100%? Well, I'm not going to spoil it for you. Just know that the entire experience is worth the waste of time. Check out a look at the menu system below and go play with HBO Imagine yourself! You won't regret it.

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies DVD Review

DC Comics and Warner Bros. are officially on a roll. While they have had problems with all of their live action films, with the exception of the rebooted Batman franchise, today's release of Superman/Batman: Public Enemies is yet another feather in their animated cap. Even the Marvel/Lionsgate animated films have had their down moments, so to see DC push out four kick ass direct to DVD films in a row is a bit of a triumph.

Public Enemies is inspired by the Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness 6-issue arc in the pages of the Superman/Batman series, which was originally titled "The World's Finest." While it does hold very close to the original story, there are some fairly large changes. They aren't anything to lose your mind over. It isn't like Batman turns out to be from the Bizarro Universe or anything.

A Nightmare On Elm Street Teaser Trailer

In another life I was lucky enough to spend some time on the set of this movie and it definitely seems like they wanted to stress atmosphere and the acting prowess of Jackie Earle Haley for the role, over his looks or stature. I'm looking forward to this movie more than most other remakes or reboots, probably because I never liked the original series much to begin with. Expect it to have way less goofy shit being said, and way more screwed up allusions to Freddy being a pedophile. Yeah. It goes there this time around.

After seeing this, I can't wait for it. Leave me some comments and feedback and tell me your thoughts after you watch the new teaser trailer.

The Unborn - Bad Movie Night Review

First off, what is a "Bad Movie Night Review?" Well, the idea of watching a crappy movie on purpose is nothing new. Mystery Science Theater 3000 made hours of TV based on the notion, but the average everyday person just doesn't have the time or the patience to sit something like that out. There also comes the issue of needing to have people to watch it with, because watching a crappy movie is just no fun alone. In fact, it becomes a little bit depressing. So as a way to start tabulating which movies are the most fun and entertaining to watch in a negatively ironic fashion, I've started watching bad movies with a few friends over at a time. This will help you out when you decide to have a "Bad Movie Night" of your own, saving you time from getting the movies that are TOO bad to even enjoy making fun of, or just not bad enough.

First, you get the snacks and drinks ready, pick a comfy spot on the couch, and have the volume loud. Why? You need to make sure you can still hear the movie over everyone yelling shit at the screen. Remember, the fun comes not in just the sheer assness of the movie, but in the witty banter that will come from you and your friends. Still, you need to be able to follow the plot, so you need to hear the inane dialogue, too.

Now that we've gotten the preparation out of the way, we can talk about the actual movie!

Barbie Is Getting A Movie, So Why Not These Toys And Board Games?

Universal Pictures (you know, the guys who aren't making new movies until 2010) are revving up to start their family-friendly Barbie movie franchise. There have already been half a trillion straight-to-DVD releases, such as Barbie Finds Out She Has No Genitals and Barbie And Post-Op Ken Get A Makeover. Even then, in the 50 year history of the toy she hasn't had a feature film release, save for her appearances in the Toy Story franchise. While Transformers and GI Joe are natural properties to bring to the screen, the Barbie movie doesn't seem like it has much to offer the world of cinema. Hell, even the Lego film that is in production is pushing it, but there is still some potential there.

In a time where Battleship is getting a damn movie, as well as Monopoly, you have to figure that nothing is out of reach. The majority of these future films have a similar thing about them: they are all based on toys and board games that have no business being turned into movies. I've decided I'm going to buck the trend here and list out some toys and board games that SHOULD have feature films based on them. The wrong things are getting the attention, and maybe I can help set things straight! Yeah! And maybe I'm a Russian spy with microfilm sewn into the inner linings of my left ass cheek.

Stephenie Meyer's The Host Is Becoming A Movie - Sorry About That

Today I felt a very bad pain in my lower back. I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep and wound up getting out of bed to play Fable II while my wife remained at rest. After doing the usual morning routine, even though it should have changed since I don't have an office to go to anymore, I went about to do my errands and things. I had a deep sense of foreboding ill that washed over my entire being. When I finally returned home, I found out what was bugging me.

Another one of Stephenie Meyer's books is becoming a movie. If you thought the Twilight series was bad, well, you haven't seen shit yet. The Host is the next line and is based on her book which she describes as "science fiction for people who don't like science fiction." Let me translate; it is a book for people who don't like science fiction, good writing, or having to pay attention. Oh, and there is a much better movie out there called The Host already, only it is Korean, fun, interesting and cool.

Here is the blurb they are using to describe this foolish adaptation:

"...a love story set in the near future on Earth, which has been assimilated by an alien species of benevolent parasites that call themselves "Souls." One such soul, the Wanderer, is fused with a dying human named Melanie Stryder, in an attempt to locate the last pocket of surviving humans on Earth."

It sounds like a thousand other things you've seen and read before, only less cool, right? Well, pay a little more attention to it. If you say the names out loud you'll see that Stephenie Meyer and Melanie Stryder sound sort of similar. Could this be autobiographical? She seems to be sucking the souls out of so many people who have bought into her wussed out vampire saga, so it kind of makes sense. Beyond that, the writing is actually painfully worse than it was in the Twilight books. No, I didn't read all of that mockery of feminism, but I read a few chapters of the first, and pages from each other book, just so I could talk the talk. Her writing is crap, plain and simple. She has all the style and grace of a rusty rectal thermometer. Check out an excerpt from The Host right here, and be prepared to laugh your ass off.

Ok did you read it? How about that part where the character's name is Fords Deep Waters. Did you laugh? I did, and that was just THE FIRST LINE! Ugh. The only good thing about this news is that it means we've got one more movie to watch on Bad Movie Night. I'll have more on that for you this Friday.

Pandorum iPhone Game Trailer - Even Phones Have Good Graphics?

Pandorum looks like one of those movies that just might creep the shit out of you, squeezing every last drop of anxiety from you like an old tube of toothpaste. Sometimes, atmosphere is everything. Even though I can only get a few ideas of what this film is about from the trailers, I'm interested in seeing it with the looming prospect of not knowing what the hell is going on. The use of this kind of mood, with a twisty narrative, lends itself greatly to video games. Inevitably, with the popularity of the iPhone, someone took notice.

Check out the trailer for the Pandorum game above, along with some more stuff on the official site. Oh, if you didn't know the game is available now. While I doubt there is a lot to learn about the movie from this app, I'm sure there may be some teases and hints towards the film's story. You can get it for your iPhone and iPod Touch from iTunes, of course.

Marvel Comics + Kanye + F*cking Chickens = HAHA!

There are rare moments in life where so many random things can come together in a fashion that make you believe in fate. Well, I don't believe in destiny, fate, karma, or anything else that Admiral Motti would have made fun of. Still, I wouldn't want Darth Vader to Force Choke my Puerto Rican ass to death, so I will only say that The Beyonder and the Cosmic Cube must have put this plan into action.

Two memes for the price of one, in a stop-motion video by the now-Disney Marvel Comics folks. And you thought that the House of Mouse would totally pussify them.

Machete Gets The Go At Sony

When I think of a Mexican that's "big as shit!" I don't think of Antonio Banderas. First of all, he is a Spaniard, not a Mexican, and secondly, he's just not big. I don't know what Steve Buscemi was thinking with that whole story in Desperado. Of course, I, like almost everyone else, must think of Danny Trejo. You know, the quintessential big bad Mexican, usually with a knife, that most people would refer to as "that big, ugly, Mexican guy?" The one that isn't Edward James Olmos. He's finally getting the chance to have a real big starring role, even though he's 65 years old and has been an actor for 24 years.

Think about that for a second. He has done cartoon and video game voices, been in almost 175 movies and TV shows, and yet none have really been starring roles. That alone makes Machete special. The fact that this new movie will stem from a comical fake trailer that was part of Grindhouse makes it even more unique. Though I was really hoping that Eli Roth's Thanksgiving would be the one to be turned into a movie, I'll be more than happy with with a full-length Machete film. The good news is that it has been picked up by Sony for distribution in almost every market it will be shown. We Hispanics need more lead roles in films, even if they include that whole bullshit knife-wielding stereotype. Speaking of which, I have to go sharpen my sword collection.

The Rock Is The People's Tooth Fairy - I Wish I Was Joking

I wish I could say this was all a bad dream, or that I'm just great with Photoshop and have a twisted sense of humor. No, this is all real, and this nightmare is coming true for all of us. You see, The Rock has leveled out on the bottom of "high-concept" family comedies and can do no right. Alas, his next bout of kid-friendly high jinks pegs him as a former hockey player, that was nicknamed the "Tooth Fairy" for knocking out other players' teeth, and thus now must be an actual tooth fairy because he screws over his woman's kid. Whew... try saying that in one breath.

Think of it as a mix of Liar, Liar and The Santa Clause, except for the fact that this won't make as much as the latter and won't be as funny as the former. I feel bad for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, because I know somewhere in there are some decent acting chops. Though I'm not a huge fan of wrestling, he did a great job playing the douchebag in the ring, and brought me many laughs. Why can't he get some decent work in Hollywood? I just hope he's getting good checks for these things. Yeesh. Check out the full poster below, via FilmDrunk.

The New Quasar Is The Old Quasar, But New!

For the last few years Marvel Comics has had a strange separation of church and state, with the regular superheros and the cosmic superheros not really interacting that much. While high profile crossovers like Civil War, Dark Reign and Secret Invasion have been getting tons of attention from fans and media, solid cosmic epics like Annihilation, War of Kings, and the upcoming Realm of Kings don't ring a bell to many.

While these crossovers and titles haven't been burning up the charts, they also haven't been complete slouches. Still, they could use a bigger readership and Marvel is hoping they'll get that by bringing back Quasar. Oddly enough, this new Quasar seems to be the old Quasar, Wendell Vaughn, and if that is the case, it may be just enough to drum up some new interest in the cosmic side of Marvel Comics. Check out the full new costume of Quasar below, as he will appear in Realm of Kings this November.

Cherry Jones Wins An Emmy - Hail To The Chief

There is only one way for a President of the USA to get a 100% approval rating, and that is by winning a Best Supporting Actress Emmy. Regardless of what the viewers thought, especially big fans of 24 like myself, congrats are in order for the first female leader of the free world. Sure, her performance may have seemed wooden at times, and her character may not have been written to be as compelling as David Palmer, but she was still on the Jack Bauer Power Hour. That should be enough to win any Emmy.

Why am I not going on and on about the Best Actor Emmy or Best Reality Show? Because I don't really care all that much about them. Most of my TV viewing in between episodes of 24 is just a placeholder for it to come back from the lengthy production hiatus it gets from season to season. Now, had Dexter or Supernatural won something, you might see me go on forever about that. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Sigh.

Universal Stalls Production - Jurassic Park 4 Will Have To Wait

Variety is reporting that Universal Pictures is slowing down their production to a stall until the end of 2009. People are freaking out because that means that writers, crew, and production staff are making slim pickings and now will have no work till next year.

As much as that sucks for them, it sucks even more for the people that have been waiting for Jurassic Park 4.

Yeah, that means you. You wanted lysine hermaphrodite frog dinosaur DNA all over the big screens ASAP, but you're not getting it. You know why? Because the economy is in the turd encrusted pooper. What this does mean, however, is that Universal gets to concentrate on marketing whatever movies they have coming out the rest of this year. I know you don't care, but just imagine what I feel. I was hoping to see Wolf Man this year, but it doesn't come out till after your precious new movies go into production again.

Dammit, and I wanted a 4th Mummy movie RIGHT NOW. One that would be even worse than the third.

The First Post Is Always The Deepest

Oh, hi Mark! Something crazy happened yesterday, and it wasn't really cool. Cool would be stumbling upon a million dollar check or being gifted with a sweet muscle car from the '60s. Yesterday was more like being hit in the face with a brick that was made from dried and compressed dog crap. Yeah. That doesn't sound like it would feel or smell like fun, now does it?

I lost my job. Doh!

Well, life goes on, and as anyone would attest to, I'm experienced in the ways of bouncing back from pain, sorrow, and tooth decay. While I try to find a new place to call my employment home, I figure it would make sense to do what I did at my old job, whether it were for movies and comics, TV, or even video games. Yes, I'm going to continue to report on things that interest me, write reviews of things, and try to do all the things that I used to do and a ton of things that I didn't do.